He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I fill condoms, not promises.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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