I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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