he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
