the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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