alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
