I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
