i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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