forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
