Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
