why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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