who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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