i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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