i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
