i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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