In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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