Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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