i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
