: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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