i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
