Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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