I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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