No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
