he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
