So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
