please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even my farts smell like vagina
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
