hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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