There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And then he peed in my hair
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
