sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
