you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
