You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
