Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Your cock deserves a montage
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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