Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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