I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
