so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
