Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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