Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
