i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
