I didn't shave. On purpose
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
