I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
