I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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