i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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