you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
