Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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