we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
