Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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