We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
