Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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