OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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