Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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