Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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