so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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