I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
