I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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