I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
