I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
