Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
