Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is Oprah even human
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
