The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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