It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
