guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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