i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
