apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
