I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
