My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
