Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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