wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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