I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
