well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
even my farts smell like vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
