Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
