good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
