If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize