Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
