my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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