it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
