I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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