I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize