You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
