I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
