Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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