I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
