It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
