He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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