Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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