I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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