i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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