I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
