I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize